It was 6 months, 2 weeks and 3 days and it still hurt, I think the pain felt deeper. Falling asleep felt like a curse, he plagued her mind even in her dreams. The conversations, messages, and the break-up were memories she lived through every day. She wanted a pill, like in Homecoming (the Netflix show), you know the one the soldiers were
I wish she were the only client who asked for such
Obsessing– this is something most of do after a breakup. However, constantly thinking about the relationship and what could have been unhealthy. Trying to find situations that could
How do you cope with obsessing?
The most effective tool to cope with obsessing and over thinking is to constantly bring yourself back to the present – here and now, be mindful. Bring yourself back to the present by asking these 5 questions – identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you feel, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. This engages all your senses and allows you to focus on the present, thereby ensuring you will neither fixate on the past nor daydream about the future.
Familiar Situations – Very often a break-up triggers memories and associations you never knew existed, everything reminds you of the person, a donut shop or a coffee house. You find yourself reacting negatively to things you used to do with your ex. Watching lovers do things you used to do with your ex may cause strong hostile reactions.
Distrust – relationships in which there was distrust in the form of abuse (physical/ emotional/ financial), cheating, threats, chronic lying, or narcissism often leaves the person emotionally disturbed. This often causes a heightened sense of suspicion and their ability to ever trust again is hampered.
How do you break free from old patterns?
You begin by not taking any blame or responsibility if your partner cheated. It is common for us to internalize feelings of rejection because as individuals we tend to take responsibility for the actions of others. Our immediate reaction to such situations is to “change” – change the way we look, tolerate bad behaviour and change who we are. This is the least helpful kind of change. In such a situation it is important to
- Go on a vacation – going on a busy vacation trick the mind into believing a lot of time has passed thus allowing us to heal quickly. Try visiting a new place that has a lot of activities that can keep you engaged through the day. Breaking away from the daily routine and sites allows us to return with clarity.
- Learn a new skill – spend some time investing in you. Learn a new skill or take up a new hobby, it’s a great way to engage your mind and if you’re good at the skill it will help restore confidence.
- Connect with old friends and make new ones –
connectingwithold friends creates a safe and supportive environment but it is alsoequallyimportant to break away from old patterns and meet new people. Thiswillremind you and give you courageto trust again and break down the walls ofemotionalbetrayal.
Catharsis from the Sub-conscious
Nightmares – this is our subconscious mind exposing our vulnerability to the situation. Often these night terrors depict harm and hostile situations with the ex that leaves us with cold sweats and an
Flashbacks – repeatedly reliving memories with absolute clarity like it just happened. This may take the form of auditory or visual hallucinations, in certain situations, it can get specific to reliving the smell. A flashback may be temporary and you may maintain some connection with the present moment or you may lose all awareness of what’s going on around you, being taken completely back to your traumatic event.
How do you train the subconscious mind?
The most effective way to cope with this is through catharsis. Maintain a journal where you spend 15 minutes writing out your thoughts, but do not go back and read it. This allows you to unload, express freely, and often let go.
Flashbacks are often caused by a trigger it could be a word, smell or a situation. It is important for you to identify the trigger and work through it. You can either limit your exposure to these triggers, if that is not possible (which is often the case) you can devise coping strategies. Effective coping strategies include deep breathing, reconditioning the trigger with a new emotion and gradual exposure to it.
Appetite/ Weight – appetite is a good indicator of your emotions, and rapidly gaining or losing weight can be a sign something is wrong.
Sleep – sleep cycles change, we tend to either sleep too much or too little. We either enter an escapist mode where we sleep too much because facing reality becomes too difficult or falling asleep becomes too difficult because of our anxious mind.
Sexual promiscuity – irresponsible and excessive indulgence in sex with multiple partners creates the temporary illusion of being free. However, this has long-term psychological effects and often puts one in a dangerous situation.
How do you initiate and maintain healthy behaviours?
While most people choose to consume copious amounts of alcohol post a breakup, it’s better to stay away from the bottle. Monitoring alcohol intake ensures clarity of thought, responsible decisions and better sleep. The basics need to be in place; a healthy diet where you eat every 3 hours, a reduced intake of caffeine and digital detox. Have a fixed day and night routine that helps condition better productivity and sleep. Try having a heavy meal, a shower and listen to a meditative track before you sleep. This ensures you are focusing on yourself, and your healing.
Break-ups are never easy; ending a traumatic relationship is causes significant emotional distress. It requires time, and direction for one to truly heal from a broken relationship. It’s never the duration of the relationship that matters, but the intensity of emotion experienced in it. It is important to find healthy ways to cope with the